Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
