If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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