I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
