I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
