He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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