i may or may not be watching the land before time
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
