Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
