But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
