I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
