I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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