I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't turn off my feet"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
