i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
