someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
