from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
