He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
