we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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