brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
