random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
