I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize