I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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