I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
