You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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