Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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