i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
