i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I want a musical about memes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
