omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
