i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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