I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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