After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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