I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
