i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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