My liver just broke up with me...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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