I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
