Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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