do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
