dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
People in love make me want to vomit
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
