so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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