I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize