the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
