Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
