Do you still have your period?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
