All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
40s are totally the cure
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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