I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
