I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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