someone threw a dead crab at me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
