And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize