Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
