i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
