White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
