I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
