I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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