i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently the secret to your success is patron
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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