I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
