Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Are we in a gay sports bar?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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