maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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