I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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