i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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