Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
