Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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