the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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