Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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