are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
