If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i came on her dog
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize