you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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