she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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