just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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