So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
