Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
