You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize