3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
