just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
