none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
