Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
